Hidden Messages in Gratitude Letters

This quarter I am teaching a class about vocational call. It is meant to help students identify their gifts, strengths, passions and natural abilities so that they might have a deeper sense of fulfillment throughout the process of choosing a major, career...and a life.

I really do enjoy teaching this sort of self exploration class, but sometimes I wonder if this is a classic case of the blind leading the blind. Who really knows who they are and what they are meant to become? How often are we able to discern the difference between a true "calling," as opposed to what we think we want. Sometimes it seems like the life we are called to have versus the life we think we want feels like the never ending battle between true love and a temporary infatuation.

Love and lust.

That's an internal battle everyone can relate to.

I have decided, after a great deal of personal reflection, reading, studying, acting in, acting out, and reacting, that a big key to understanding our "us- ness" is knowing what we truely...at the deep root of what we are...value.

What we value is what we seek to bring into our lives. These are the principles that we might not always live by, but what we strive for in our perfect world. What we consistently manage to manifest here in our day to day existence gives us feedback. If we pay attention we can easily see and feel when we are still on the road to OZ or if we have accidentally fallen asleep in the poppy field. If you can live by what you value you are on your way to self discovery. If you make choices that don't jive with your values you find yourself lost, lonely, dissatisfied, let down, and scared.

What we value can also give us insight into an aspect of ourselves that we were meant to develop further. What we value might lead us to our gifts, our talents, our "us."

The acorn was not meant to force it's way into becoming a palm tree.

As Shel Silverstein might put it,

"The saddest thing I ever did see
Was a woodpecker peckin' at a plastic tree.
He looks at me, and "Friend," says he,
"Things ain't as sweet as they used to be."

How can you know what you value?

Here is a surprising breadcrumb discovered, as most are, just at the right time.

Today is the anniversary of the death of a mentor and friend that was very important to me. He was our Dean of Students and lost his battle with cancer a year ago. His secretary, in her infinite wisdom decided to put together a special book for him for the last birthday he would ever celebrate. She asked us to write a letter to Tom and share whatever memories and thanks we wanted.

I wrote my letter and was happy I did it. It's great to be able to recognize people while they are still with us. I saved my letter on my computer desktop and couldn't delete it. I would come back to it every so often to remember my friend and what he had represented to me in my life.

While I was looking for a class activity the other day I thought of the letter and read it over again. What I saw this time was new! I found that my letter had a theme that I hadn't noticed before. I found that I had repeated language and phrases and emphasized specific events that reinforced those phrases. Here are a couple of excerpts.

To Tom From a Raving Fan

I have learned from you how important it is to pay attention to people and notice what they enjoy, hobbies they have and things they like to do. The ability you have to "see" us in the midst of whatever happens to be going on is something that I have appreciated and loved about you. Thank you for seeing me. Your ability to notice surprised me many times and gave me a sense that I was cared for and needed in our little community.

I’m sure you don’t know, but the year you surprised me with a chocolate stop at Stams on my birthday was probably one of the best birthdays that I’ve had so far. That year my sisters forgot, my parents were busy traveling, and my best girlfriends had other things going on. I didn’t get a card, a gift, or a phone call. It was turning out to be one of those days that can make you feel a bit lonely and unappreciated. My Graceland friends however pulled through and you were the one that reminded me that I did have a family that cared about me here in Lamoni.

When I graduated you were there to support and recognize me too. That year was hectic as it always is and I was so busy worrying about checking people out that I hardly noticed where I was when I finally walked across the stage to get my hood, my handshake and my diploma (as you already know, it takes an awful lot of work to get those three things all in a row like that!). Later on, it was you that congratulated me in front of my peers and gifted me with something that you know I love…more beautiful chocolates.

I was touched that you recognized my efforts and took time to notice how hard I worked to complete a degree that I never thought I’d have time, money, or energy to complete while working full time and being a single parent. Your box of chocolates was more than tasty loveliness! That little box told me that you understood that I had put forth effort and accomplished something.

Thank you for noticing me…it has meant more than you can imagine. Your trust, support and the faith you have in my abilities have meant the world to me and given me courage to do and try things that I never thought I would. If you believed that I could do it, I’ve always known it must be true. You have taught me more about how to lift others up by the way you have lifted me. You have shown us all how to demonstrate patience, persistence, loyalty and strength in the way you have stood by each of us even in moments of uncertainty. I never doubted for a moment that you would do everything in your power to serve, protect and develop everyone in your circle of care. I am lucky to have been one of those.

What did I read this time???

Tom "saw" me in a way I couldn't see myself. He recognized me when I was too busy or too distracted to recognize myself. He valued the gifts he saw and worked to develop those gifts...when frequently I was unaware that they existed. He was a developer. He also represented the patience, persistence, loyalty and strength that one who develops others for a living must possess.

In thanking Tom and reading my own words it was easier to uncover what I truly place value in. I value the goodness and strength and potential in others. This value is also one of the gifts I was meant to develop more fully.

Tom knew that.

I read through that letter probably about a hundred times before I found it.

Sometimes a good way to discover our true values is to start by thanking those that have impacted us in a meaningful way. Odds are it was meaningful because it strikes a true chord to us. Someone has played us back a bit of our own song.

I would encourage you all to write a letter of thanks to someone that has made a difference in your life. What your gratitude has the potential to reveal is truly astounding.