Will You.... Sign on the Dotted Line? The Prenuptial Agreement : Part of a New Proposal

Last week I had a speaker come to my class to give my students a lecture on "How to Be a Millionaire." It was a catchy title, but really all I wanted was for my students to graduate knowing just enough to not shoot themselves in the foot. Don't buy the new car! Do invest your money in a way that will provide you with some security later! Don't fall into the credit card trap!

They listened somewhat attentively, and then the speaker (maybe sensing that he had only about 70% of their attention) switched gears. He declared very enthusiastically that before they got married they all needed prenuptial agreements as part of a long term financial plan.

My glassy eyed students...the majority of which were female...snapped awake and were suddenly very excited about participating in the conversation. Initially their responses were of shock and disapproval. Prenups seem to be the farthest thing from love and romance imaginable. It also seemed to my students to be fundamentally wrong to be thinking about an exit strategy before they even said I do.

The speaker (who also happens to be my partner) explained a couple things. First off, no one who is divorced ever thought they would be, and no one can predict the future. Now, more than ever divorces are not just about assets and who gets what, but couples also have to divide debt and decide what to do about children. Who will give what? Who will pay what after the fact? Under what circumstances?

My students remained unconvinced.

His next strategy involved providing some good possible scenarios...

"Let's just say you, (as he motions to the pretty college student in the back) decide to marry him. (The poor guy in the front is squirming now). And he and you are in love but he has made some poor financial decisions in the past. It's okay you say, you LOVE him and you will stand by him through thick and thin. Well, guess what folks. His bad decisions, poor credit score and debt are now hers too. NOW let's say that things don't work out and he leaves... and YOU (still on cute girl now smiling and amused with this game) hook up with and decide to marry HIM..(the only other guy in the class is now roped into playing along). Guess what YOU get to help pay for new husband?? You win the prize of having to help your new wife pay off her old debts that actually belong to her EX husband."

The men in my class shift in their seats and are looking nervous. The women can hardly believe this is possible because it doesn't sound very fair....ah the bliss of believing life is fair.

The speaker moves into tactic number 2 (You do this to protect each other and because you love each other). He gives something like this as an example...

"Let's just say that I have a couple beautiful kids with a wife I love very much and I am in the military and am killed in battle. My wife gets the death benefit but legally, my children are not entitled to ANYTHING. Now my wife is sad and lonely and she remarries a great guy...with his own ideas about what should be done with that money. My wife is now in a position to be influenced by someone she loves very much. My children are not protected, and now my wife has to negotiate things that will most likely cause additional stress. A prenup would have protected my children and provided my wife with specific direction that we both agreed on saving her the stress of having to have the money conversation with someone new later."

I can see he's making headway here with this argument. Do it because you love your partner. Do it because you love your children. Protect people while you still love and care for them.

New partners do have influence. It's sad if children are hurt financially because a new person has a new set of values that don't jive back to you and husband or wife's (in the best of times).

Later on he sent me an article about prenups and how they are especially important for people with children, people who are going into their second marriage and people who have already accumulated assets of their own.

I like him...a lot... so I sent back my credit score and argued for the possibility of adding a section about domestic chores and who wakes up in the middle of the night with future children.

On a more serious note, I also broached the subject of how to split assets in the event of my death. What is my first child from a previous marriage entitled to? What are my possible future children entitled to? I will have "my" assets and "our" assets. When I thought about that, things got a bit more complicated.

It's not exactly the same kind of romantic as a ring and a cruise to Mexico, but I do love the idea of establishing protection for people that I care about when my heart is in the right place.